WHEN SOAPS COLLIDE
According to newspaper reports, Kacey Ainsworth (aka Little Mo, aka Drippy in Eastenders) is set to join the cast of Desperate Housewives for a couple of episodes in the next series as a British nanny – presumably for that sociopathic bitch Lynette. Although Kacey is a pretty good actress who is not remotely as simpery and annoying IRL as she is on Eastenders, it will be hard to shake the spectre of Drippy from our minds as we watch her in Hysteria Lane. I am wondering if they will play on her pre-existing TV persona at all, or if she is so unknown in the US that they won’t bother. Better hide that iron to be on the safe side, Lynette!

Although it will be class to see Drippy in action, she is not the first, second or even third choice of actresses I would like to see join the cast next series. Hopefully the Mary Alice storyline will all be sewn up by then and an all new bunch of desperate housewives with dark secrets will be required to keep the plot wheels turning. 30 something actresses all over the world will be pestering their agents for auditions but I hope the new parts go to…

HEATHER LOCKLEAR
Heather would be fantastic on this show and is currently under-employed as her dull airport show was cancelled and there is no sign of a TJ Hooker revival on the horizon. Heather is excellent at playing the frosty uber-bitch and I could see her as a fine rival for Lynette in some sort of office related plotline. Also it would be great to see her re-united with her ex Melrose castmates Doug (Tom/Gay Matt) Savant and Marcia (Bree/Dr Kimberley Shaw) Cross, especially if Bree finally snaps and unleashes the Kimberley-style murderous psycho that we all know lurks beneath those snazzy cashmere twin-sets.

SHANNEN DOHERTY
Shannen always looks like she would cut you if you looked at her funny, so she would be great as a new housewife who is on the lam for murder or who has psychopathic rages and beats up her husband or something. Also, in every TV series she has ever been in, she ends up making everyone hate her and has been sacked in a “she goes or I go” type stand off. If there’s one thing DH needs, it is more off-stage drama and diva catfighting!

PARKER POSEY
This is more of an offbeat choice, but there are plenty of B List actresses who are happy to slum it in TV drama (see Thandie Newton in ER or Annabella Sciorra in the Sopranos) and I was trying to think of one who would be good for DH. I have always liked Parker since “Dazed and Confused” when she played a super bitchy cheerleader who enjoyed torturing younger girls. She is always funny in Will and Grace and those Christopher Guest films and basically has a mad face that makes me laugh for no particular reason, even in something really crappy like Scream 3 or Blade Trinity (she hasn’t had much luck being in the third film of a series, has she?). Parker was outstanding as an uptight hysterical yuppy in “Best in Show” and would be perfect as a Desperate Housewife.