PLAYING IT STRAIGHT
GAYWATCH
This week the “tasks” included chopping down cacti with machetes, drinking tequila (including having to lick tequila off scantily clad men and women), putting up shelves and eating hot chilli type meals. I’m not sure that any of these are proof of hetero/homosexuality but never mind.

Buff Marco won one of the contests and got to spend a one-on-one jacuzzi date with Zoë. Where would reality TV be without the wondrous invention of the jacuzzi? Marco squeezed himself into a pair of skin-tight canary yellow trunks for the occasion and explained that the reason he was so comfortable hanging around scantily clad men was that he has worked as a stripper and a naked butler. Thank you for sharing with the group, Marco. Actually, he was a lot less irritating this week and I still think he’s straight.

Zoë seemed to get a clue this week (or else was given one by the producers) and asked the boys who they thought was gay out of the remaining contestants - she seemed to come to the same conclusion that we did weeks ago – that Dark Danny is suspiciously unemotional and that Ben is too straight acting to be true.

During the evictions she told Johnny that she really liked him but thought that he was gay and evicted him. Perhaps the fact that he kept breaking into torrid go-go dance moves during the tequila competition gave him away. He confirmed that he was indeed G.A.Y and disco danced off the set. Good for him.

In the end it came down to the two Danny’s. She called up Blond Danny first and said she was keeping him. Danny Darko looked gutted – she called him over and said that she didn’t trust him, but was keeping him anyway as there was only one eviction that week. Damn you pesky producers and your wicked games. Danny Darko looked like he was going to cry, or else go on a murderous rampage – it’s hard to tell what this cat is thinking. At least I was right about Johnny…

GAYDAR ACCURACY TO DATE: 1/1