PLAYING IT STRAIGHT
STR8ER BOI
This week Zoe and the boys were packed off to Mexico's premier gay beach resort, and very nice it looked too. For the first task they had to demonstrate their throwing/catching/running abilities - cue lots of hilarious footage of the boys prancing round like ninnies and falling over for no reason. Then Zoe spied on them as they spent the evening in a gay bar, had male strippers waving their booties in their faces and danced with trannies, etc. Loved the decor in that bar - plastic flamingos a go go. Next day the boys each had to buy her an outfit and the bloke who chose the nicest one would win a dinner date. This was quite funny as the lads wandered round the shops saying things like "Zoe likes cheap plastic-y things!" and selected horrible white nylon dresses and ugly chunk-style bangles. Alex ("Amy Winehouse's neanderthal brother" according to my mate Sam) won with a non-dreadful black flamenco-y dress. At the dinner they were chatting about holidays and so on, when Alex basically said "oh fuck it, I can't do this any more - I'm gay!" which was quite cool, only I had him down as a straight. Dammit.

The last task was a Milk Tray ad rip off - the boys had to jump out of a helicopter into the sea, swim to a boat and leave a message and box of non-product placed chocolates for Zoe. Danny K won and should have jet skied to join Zoe on the boat but managed to crash the jet ski into the only boat for miles around (comedy gold) and so had to swim to the boat instead. In his tuxedo. What a spaz.

Eviction time again and of course Alex had to go after his SHOCK CONFESSION. Ben was called up but she said he could stay - Ben said that she picked him as the winner he would give her his share of the money and thus sacrifice £50k to win the game. Smart move - if he was gay (ed: no IF about it!) it would mean he would still keep £50K and not feel like such a rat for tricking Zoe. Danny Darko and Marco were retained and Danny K was sent packing. Damn - he was the most obviously straight one left! Zoe is completely insane! It looks like she is just keeping the ones she fancies as all three remaining contestants are quite similar looking (dark, tanned and muscular). Next week is the final episode and June assures us that there is at least one gayer left in the final three. The excitement: I cannot bear it!
GAYDAR ACCURACY TO DATE: 2/3