Sleb Love Island

Tuned into this (at FF's insistence) last night, and that Du'aine bloke and Beppay seem to have gone, but Atomic Kitten and Paul Manchild are still there. How does this voting thing work again? The atmosphere is one of a Club Med luxury break that time forgot. A new pneumatic starlet has been bussed in to shake up the girls, and Paul Manchild has dumped poor Lady Thicko quicker than Marmite-smeared butter knife. Manchild and Lady Thicko were sent (kicking and screaming - literally) to a deserted outpost and told to build a raft, then take it back down and build a shelter for the night. Lady Thicko was last seen scanning the horizon for a passing hungry shark to throw herself at.

Poor old Jayne seems to have pulled herself together, and is enjoying the shenanigens between Rebecca and Calum (Bestie seems to be getting bored - the man has the attention span of a memory-challenged goldfish - and why did nobody tell him that his dad got beaten up by his latest girlfriend?), Paul/Lady Thicko/Pneumatic Starlet (she's called Nikki and she was Third Blonde from the Left in American Pie or something like that), and Lee and Abi. This shouldn't come as a suprise really. She's had Lee in her sights since the first night. Anyway, Lee got sent to the Fuck Hut with Nikki Starlet, who started whiffling on about herself all day and would have gone on all night if she hadn't downed half a glass of wine and gone to bed at 8pm. This kind of behaviour makes even me and Mr P look like hardcore ravers, with our tea and ironing while watching Bad Girls. Lee broke out to go and shout footballery endearments at Abi, who as a trained nurse can probably drink him under the table, administer CPR and carry him home without breaking a nail. See? Made for each other.

Big Brother
They're all up for the eviction vote, thanks to my girl Vanessa and her desperate placating of Big Lesluh - not surprised, those breast look like they could do some damage in the wrong hands. So Vote Sam! No, vote Saskia! No, Maxie...ummm...