BIG BROTHER: AN APOLOGY
I just wanted to apologise for the lack of BB-related blog entries. For my part it's because every single housemate is so brain-crunchingly, mind-numbingly, teeth-rattling-er-ly AWFUL, they render me completely speechless. Look, I even used italics there, and I never do that. That's how bad they are. Every night. Without fail. Once I get over my white-hot loathing of Craig, Vanessa, Maxie et al, I might find the words to express something resembling my feelings for these handmaidens of Beelzebub (and Derek).

Derek, Roberto and Sam are up for the vote, by the way.

ISLAND OF FAME HOs
The contestants may be awful, but BB is still too compelling to drag me away from C4. Though my Fame Ho-watching friends tell me that Manchild Paul got a blow job off Pneumatic Blonde that took precisely two minutes 48 seconds. Then last night he dumped her. Fran Cosgrave is making a play for Jayne Middlemiss (now, never in a million years would you have thought of that one. Bet the Atomic Kitten's got a face like a cat's arse every time she sees them canoodling). It's still well on between Abi Titmost and Lee Sharpe, but Calum Best has been sent packing. Manchild has decided that he has got feelings for Lady Thicko after all, and has dumped the Pneumatic Blonde in the place where they first consummated their passion. The toilet. Class, eh?