GHOST HUNTING WITH GIRLS ALOUD

I was hoping that this would be a Scooby Doo type affair where the pop vixens drive round in a van unmasking wicked caretakers etc and so on, but sadly not. Instead the girls are taken round a creepy old ruin by Yvette Fielding, who then tries really hard to make them cry and wet themselves. Who is Yvette Fielding? I am sure she used to be famous for something. In this she has a severe blonde hair helmut and is wearing a pseudo-military black outfit like she is auditioning for “Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS” or something.

Nadine (aka the Irish One) is too busy boning the hot gardener from Desperate Housewives scared to go so we are left with geordie bruiser Cheryl Tweedy-Cole (who is very pretty but I don’t like her severe fringe and naff puffa jacket), Sarah (the hard faced blonde one who needs to lay off the self tanning lotion), Nicola (the ginger one who always looks like she stumbled into the video shoot off the street by mistake, here wearing some cute glasses) and Kimberley (um, the other one, who is also v pretty).

Yvette takes them to an old house and then tries to make them scared by saying that lots of people DIED HORRIBLY there and also that lots of other people have seen GHOSTS!!! She then has an impromptu séance and asks the ghosts to make a noise or go “wooooo!” or something. Yeah right, like you are going to obey Yvette sodding Fielding if you’ve been cursed to walk the earth for eternity. Anyway, an obliging production assistant knocks on the wall and the girls all start squealing and swearing like troopers. Ha ha! Nicola sensibly goes to sit in the car, Sarah has a nervous breakdown, Kimberley looks vaguely sarcastic (good for her) and Cheryl decides to bravely confront the ghosts in a Buffy stylee, which is quite funny too (“Why are you so angry, mon, why aye” etc). They turn the lights out and go to night vision, so that all the young lovelies look like dead eyed zombies and there is more nonsense with people banging things and poking them from a distance. Yet more Blair Witch style squealing and comedy swearing. This was set to go on for two whole hours but I bailed out after 30 minutes. It was all total drivel but I suppose it was nice to see that the girls genuinely did seem to get on well – if it had been the Sugarbabes there would have been a corpse in the room when they turned the lights back on!

PS. If someone tells me that they actually did unmask a dastardly caretaker in the last bit I will be very annoyed!