STRICTLY COME DANCING: another fortnight, another rumba
All slackness is Sarah's fault. Sorry!

Bosomwatch. Much much better this week. A rather nice blue satin confection that minimises the shoulders and makes the cleavage look classy rather than brassy.

Dances this week it is all over the place, with everyone seemingly doing a completely different dance. I am confused.

Cha Cha Cha - lots of wiggling and arm waving and running about. The women wear tight dresses with bits cut out of them and tassles in strategic places. Men wear the standard shirt cut open to navel.

Tango - the national dance of Argentina, if you believe the hype. Lots of stalking about with a slightly pissed-off expression, then pretend slaps, leg waggling and the woman gets thrown roughly to the floor in a final act of passion (probably so the man can go off and watch football or bullfighting or whatver the hell it is they do for fun in Argentina).

Waltz - I think this has fewer ruffles and less spinnery than the Austrian Waltz. Or maybe they're not supposed to eat strudel before the dance? Cabbie Len talks about "rise and fall" and there's lots of swaying and sweeping about in big dresses.

Rumba - More wiggling and booty shaking, as far as I can see, though mainly it is just standing around and pointing. This is supposed to be a "romantic" dance, so it basically reminds me of the kind of expressive dancing they do on X-Factor when the X-muppet sings a soppy ballad.


Baby Spice
This was hmmm...well OK: they bounced about and grinned a lot, but it didn't set the floor on fire. Bit of an Arsenal UEFA Cup performance from Baby and Mr Bad 80s haircut. Have the wheels fallen off the Baby Spice bandwagon???

Claire Bad Girl
Oh for crying out loud, producers. We know Brendan's a bit of a bastard, and we know that Claire answers him back, so please stop showing us shots of Brendan being a bastard and Claire answering him back. Considering these two are supposed to be the raunchy couple, their tango was about as raunchy as a night out in Lechlade and Claire looked uncertain and hesitant rather than haughty and tempestuous.

Lovely Ramps
Don't. Mention. The. Cricket.
Mark's getting intense and worried about the "intimate" nature of the rumba. I'm not surprised, if I had Karen's perky little face staring passionately into mine, I'd be a bit scared too. Anyway, they did quite well, and Ramps was brave enough not to wax his chest, for which Mark is v grateful.

Carol Smillie
She did good. She was worried about looking like an idiot in her cutaway dress, but she rumbaed like a good 'un and finally broke the big 3 0 (in terms of marks anyway, she passed that age barrier EONS ago. Meow!).

Matt Dawson
Talk about a Damascene conversion! There he is, practising the moves at home, reading Fred Astaire biographies rather than watch his own side being tonked by the All Blacks (actually there was probably a barbed comment at Andy Robinson in there). Then on the floor he's all smiles and swoopiness. Cabbie Len loves it. Arlene tells him to watch his arms.

Davetta
Possibly the best tango, but then her partner is Argentine and the worlds best tangoer or something. This doesn't mean he dresses in orange and goes around slapping people, apparently, though Davetta's tequila sunrise dress might be the updated version. Davetta goes to tango acting classes and they perform a stripped down "original" version, with Davetta actually looking quite authentic - like a slightly scared novice prostitute who can dance a bit.

Peter Schmeichel
I can't remember what dance he does - a slow ballroomy one i think. It is OK but not good enough to save him from the chop. Peter resignedly says that he knew he would get the chop as it is birthday and bad things always happen on his birthday. Oh well, he was certainly one of the most gracious competitors that we've had on the show.

I missed the follwing week but Bad Girl Claire got the chop. hurrah - I won't have to look at Brendon's horrid shiny face any more. Surely Carol will be next to go and then hopefully Davetta gets booted out, leaving Mark, Matt and Emma in the final three.