FIVE REASONS TO CONTINUE WATCHING BIG BROTHER

1) Craig's descent into a wailing abyss of self pity as everybody he speaks to, nay cleaves to like a drowning man to a match, gets evicted.

2) Orlaith's Boobies Drinking Game. Every time she flashes her threps, drink a finger of alcohol (for authenticity, this should be Smithwicks); every time she gazes lovingly at her perfect nipples and strokes them Linda Lusardi stylee, finish the glass.

3) Makosi tells Vanetha what she should have told Anthony and tells Derek what she should have told Eugene. Then spontaneously combusts as truth meets anti-truth, and spends the rest of the series drinking cherryade in q rip in the space/time continuum.

4) Eugene invents a machine for counting blades of grass and measuring how much they actually grow in a day. More popularly, he works out how to make alcohol from grass cuttings and Kemal's hairspray.

5) Instead of getting evicted, Vanetha hides in a cupboard for the rest of the series. Nobody notices.