Apprentice Injustice

This week the task is to sell something on QVC – it is not as entertaining as when the UK Apprentice did a similar thing as there is no footage of people laughing for 5 minutes at a wolf fleece. Also the winner is the team who achieves the highest gross sales – not profit; sales – this is stupid as someone could sell loads of things at a massive loss and still win. Anyway, Trump takes Giantess Pamela off the men’s team and says she has to lead the women. Poor Pamela. She immediately lays down the law and says she will boss people about but it is all in order to win and that she hopes people can leave their personal differences behind. The outbreak of cheek sucking and sour face pulling leads me to suspect that her hopes will be in vain.

The men decide to sell a grill type machine and the women sell some kid of miracle sponge thing. Pamela has to demote Blinky Maria Jane Wiedlin alike from TV preventing duties. I have already pointed out that Maria blinks a lot and has a tendency to talk gibberish under stress and this week she goes into gibberish blinking overdrive when the cameras come on in the rehearsal. Also, Pamela has many rows with that poison dwarf Stacey. First she tells Stacey to shut up because she keeps interrupting her when she is trying to allocate tasks, then Stacey is supposed to be setting the price of their product but prevaricates so much that Pamela takes the task off her and does it herself. Also Stacey is supposed to be in charge of legal issues and spends hours fussing about whether the labels are covered up on bottles of fairy liquid etc – when Pamela tells her to get on with it she starts moaning about that as well. I have decided that Stacey is the worst of these women by a long shot. As well as being constantly rancorous and bitchy she never actually does anything useful. Both teams don’t really sell lots of product but the men win by $10. Damn, I really hoped they would lose today – also that means we are subjected to endless footage of them tooling around on a tennis court with Trump’s “close personal friends” John McEnroe and Anna Hornyhova.

The women, of course, go into a bitching overdrive and decide that it is all Pamela’s fault, even though they would have been just as useless as before without her. Pamela takes Maria and Stacey into the boardroom with her – Stacey because she is an annoying wee witch and Maria because she said she was good at public speaking when actually: NOT!!! Maria is wearing a weird black jacket with millions of metal eyelsets sewn into it. I think the audition for "Chicago" is in the other room ,Maria. Stacey says that she was just trying to do her legal job properly but that Pamela stopped her and that could have led to another Enron. I must have missed the part of the news story where Enron collapsed because their detergent bottles were insufficiently disguised. Pamela points out that Stacey adds zero value and actually distracts other people because she will never shut up. Absolutely correct. Maria is nominated because she put herself forward as a presenter and was shit at it. Maria says “I wasn’t that bad”. Auton Carolyn: “Yes, actually you were.” Brrr. Stacey and Maria blame Pamela for setting the price wrong (not mentioning that Stacey was too lame to do it herself) and misjudging team members abilities. What was she supposed to do when she had never worked with them before? Trump says that Pamela was decisive but made wrong decisions – as opposed to the rest of those useless bints who were indecisive and also made wrong decisions – and fires her. So unfair, especially when Maria and Hateful Stacey were also up for the boot. Carolyn agrees with the Trumpmeister but older sidekick George seems pretty pissed off. Me too, George, me too. It is as bad as when they sacked Miriam and her wondrous bosoms in UK Apprentice