ROMEWATCH

This week Cleopatra is coming at ya, as Caesar and his minionators (including Pullo and Vorenus) ponce around in Egypt – land of the CGI Lighthouse. First of all they have to deal with Ptolemy, who is a chubby brat with a felt tip beard and a coterie of drag queen stroke eunuchs with crazy wigs. There is some business with decapitated heads etc and then our heroic duo are sent to rescue Cleopatra, who turns out to be a dope fiend with a pixie haircut. Hmmm. To cement her position, Cleo decides that she has to get pregnant pronto so she can then seduce Ceasar and convince him that the kid is his. Now who can knock her up in a hurry I wonder?? Why yes, it is Pullo, who has already impressed Cleo by stabbing a nubian assassin to death in her bed chamber. Sexy. Don’t come knockin’ when the palanquin/mobile room thing is rockin’.

All of a sudden a year has passed – Ceasar and Cleopatra are a couple with a bouncing baby boy, Ptolemy is ptoast, Marc Anthony is still ruling Rome with a rod of iron and, if the montage is to be believed, Servalan and Octavia have spent the entire year stroking each other’s bosoms.

No Jullii Cooper this episode. Booo!!! No Niobe moping around this episode. Hurrah!!!