24

They are showing two episodes a week of this, so maybe I should call it 12 instead of 24. Ha ha ha…. ahem…. (tumbleweed etc)

So, it turns out that the VIRUS is not actually disguised in a bag of coke as we had been led to believe, but is instead being carried by a blonde surfer type lad who was just trying to earn some cash to help his family. Cue violins. They tracked him down to a shopping mall, but when Soul Patch Tony tried to arrest him one of the baddies shot Tony in the neck. Nooo!!!! And also Ouch!!! Surfer Boy then managed to wander out of the mall (even though it was supposed to be completely locked down - the C in CTU certainly does not stand for “competent”!) and was seized by the baddies, who have now put him and his girlfriend into some sort of giant washing machine. Hmmm.

Poor Michelle, not only has she come to work dressed like a chorus girl from Chicago but also there is a VIRUS outbreak, the President is in town, her husband has been shot in the neck and now she is in charge of CTU. Perhaps she ought to borrow some of Jack’s heroine to calm herself down. If things weren’t bad enough, she also has to put up with Chloe wandering around saying things like “Michelle, I know that there’s a bio threat of unprecedented awfulness and your husband is fighting for his life, but Kimmeh used the last of the milk in the kitchenette and then didn’t go and fetch some more. Also she left her teabag in the sink! I’m not a cleaner you know, none of this is my responsibility!” I love Chloe.

President Palmer scenes = time to go and make a cup of tea.

Pouty Latino drug wife = still being repulsed by EVIL

That blonde, lesbian, husky voiced, telepath lady from Babylon 5 has shown up as a Disease Expert.

Kimmehwatch = she still hasn’t done anything too ridiculous yet. Come along missy, you are boring me.

CTU is rubbish. Vol MCMXVVI. CTU Mole Gael has set up a Doctor Evil style lair in a broom cupboard and keeps running off to phone the baddies whenever CTU find out a new terror fact and NO-ONE HAS NOTICED YET

Chase had a bratty fit because Kimmeh told Jack that they were going out and now Jack has made Chase be a desk man or something. Chase went to prison to beat up the Main Latino Drug Lord and make him sing like a canary, not knowing that Jack had come up with the brilliant idea of busting MLDL out of prison so they could prevent the virus being released whilst still not appearing to negotiate with terrorists. Pres Palmer said that if Jack went through with the plan then he could never be pardoned and would be a fugitive FOREVAH!! Jack is told this at least once a season and it hasn’t happened yet. Jack gave Chase a beating and then tied him up (paging Dr Freud… Kimmeh is an adult, Jack! She’s allowed to have sex with people! At least she hasn’t picked a kidnapper this time!) but the prison break went tits up so Jack had to release all the other prisoners too to create a diversion. I knew this “plan” would all end in tears…

Tick… tick… tick…