BB6: WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY CRAIG?

Big Brother got cool again briefly when evil gay dwarf Craig could no longer control his obsessive love for orange dance-freak AnTHony. AnTHony is, of course, a straight and so was not really interested in Craig but did not want to hurt his feelings by telling him to leave him alone. We ended up with the painful/watchable situation where Craig could only get attention from Anthony by either picking a fight with him/accusing him of obscurely wronging him somehow (ie, not “sticking up” for him in a discussion, not thanking him with sufficient ardour for making a cup of tea, A telling C to shut up after C has been pestering A non stop for hours with questions about his penis, etc etc). A typical day would start off with Craig gibbering on like an idiot, AnTHony eventually losing his temper to tell him to shut up, Craig running into the garden to shudder with sobs and moan “It’s tearing me apart!”, AnTHony feeling bad and giving him a hug, Craig glowing with love that he has been hugged, return to step one and repeat). Seriously, it makes “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf” look like that sitcom with Judi Dench. Craig is acting like the worst kind of torturing, passive aggressive, clingy boy/girlfriend and poor AnTHony wasn’t even getting laid to make up for it!

A particular highlight of the most Tortured Relationship on TV occurred when AnTHony got paralytically drunk and Craig basically tried to molest him. That is Not Cool, Craig. There was also edifying footage of Craig staring at AnTHony while he was asleep and, um, pleasuring himself vigorously. Class. I also enjoyed the part when AnTHony told Craig that he kept staring at him like Myra Hindley. I was hoping that everyone would wear Myra Hindley masks for Craig’s eviction but was sadly disappointed.

What makes it even funnier is that Craig is a complete delusionoid who is constantly denies ACTUAL REALITY THAT WE HAVE SEEN ON TV!!!! He says that no-one could possibly think he is gay (even though he has talked about having gay sex loads of times. Plus, just look at the state of him) He says that no-one has any reason for thinking he fancies AnTHony (see above). Also he thinks that he looks Brazilian. If he looks Brazilian then I look Inuit!! I laughed like a loon when Craig was evicted, even ahead of desperate attention whore Kinga. Oh schadenfreude – you taste so good!!