STRICTLY COME DANCING PREVIEW SHOW!!!

OMG it starts again the next week!! This is a preview to introduce us to the insane number of contestants (16 this time) and generally get us in the mood.

First of all I love the promo clip, which has a huge glitter ball landing and opening up like a space ship, then all the contestants run out in glittery outfits looking ultra serious, like superheroes charging to battle (Dance Force Assemble!!)

Bruce and Tess present of course, and are shot in close up so we can't see what horrors the costume designers have wrought on Tess' bosoms.

There is a recap of last series, which makes me think 'yawn filler' but soon gets me all nostalgic - lots of shots of Alesha looking awesome, Matt forgetting his steps, Gethin being suave and Kate stumbling round like a big clown. The judges pop up repeatedly and Craig says "Kenny was the stiffest thing I've ever seen." O really, Craig??

On to the contestants...

Chef Gary Rhodes and his weird eyebrows are partnered with mad face Karen. Yay for mad face Karen!! Gary Rhodes is surprisingly hunky. Karen tells him stop talking and get on with it a lot while they are training.

Manageress actress Cheri Lunghi is partnered with annoying James, whose hair looks completely ridiculous at the moment.

Journalist and comedian John Sergeant is partnered with a new platinum blonde Russian dancer called Kristina, who sort of looks like a sexy spy from a 1960s film. I don't think John will be long in the competition, which is a shame as there was a hilarious shot of him holding Kristina's leg in the air with a highly bemused expression on his face. I think he will be comedy gold.

Brass-lunged M-People singer Heather Small (sadly now without her trade mark pineapple-esque do) is partnered with gimpy looking new American dancer Brian Fortuna.

Phil 'Parklife' Daniels is the first of three ex eastenders looking for a career boost - three is a bit much, to be honest. He is put with Flavia and her terrifying teeth. Of course, Flavia danced with Parklife's screen son Deano in the last series.

Posh horse riding model Jodie Kidd (who does not look all that without her make-up) is put with Iain, who is probably the only male dancer who is actually taller than her.

Don Warrington, the actor who played the black guy in Rising Damp, is partnered with Lilia. She is pleased that he can vaguely move his hips.

Jesse "Slutty Slater" Wallace is the second Eastender. She is as orange as ever but now has a severe Louise Brookes style bob (pleeease cast me in Chicago!!!). They show that famous clip with Teen going 'You're not my mother!!' which is as hilarious as ever. She is partnered with Darren, after he did so well with another slightly camp EE actress last series.

Rachel Stevens of S Club 7 and forgettable solo career fame is obv definitely in need of a career boost. She's partnered with creepy Vincent who is as sleazy and lispy as ever. She tries to sing Reach and can't remember the words, but Vincent can, the big gaylord.

Model, presenter and George Clooney ex Lisa Snowden is partnered with that shiny faced bastard Brendan. I have always found Lisa inexplicably irritating so I'm not going to be cheering these two on. Brendan is as annoying as ever and immediately starts leching over her. You could partner him with a lamp post and he'd try to dry hump that too.

Super tall silver fox olympic swimmer Mark Foster falls into the 'retiring sportsman looking to move into presenting' category. He is partnered with a new dancer Hayley from NZ, who seems like a nice down to earth type girl. She is pleased to have a big strong sportsman as her partner. Mark complains that they put him into a waistcoat with nothing underneath and has to show off his super toned chest, but I bet he loves it really.

Rugby player Austin Healy is the second retired sportsman blah blah blah. He chats about how he doesn't care what ludicrous tight shiny outfits he wears (they actually show the wardrobe lady squealing and clapping her hands in glee at this news). He is partnered with Erin, who looks completely different with straightened, lighter hair. Maybe she has had a little work done too, but it’s hard to tell.

The final Eastender is Gillian 'Kaffee' Taylforth, who is going for the game old bird ticket, a la Claire Bad Girl from the other year. She is delighted to be partnered with Anton Du Madeupname, who is a natural with women-of-a-certain-age like our Gillian. She seems like good fun anyway, so I hope she does OK.

Andrew Castle is the blond bloke off GMTV. Apparently he used to be good at tennis too. He has a lot to live up to, what with all the other GMTV presenters being hopeless clodhoppers. He is partnered with uber minx Ola, who says he is good looking, but old enough to be her dad. Meooowwww!!

Tom something is a ‘Holby hunk’, it says here. He is all right but nothing to write home about. My boyfriend likes him though. He is partnered with Camilla who looks 300x nicer when she is not bright orange. Apparently Tom is getting married half way through the series, so Camilla asks how he’s going to fit that in round his training. Heh. Later on there is a clip of him standing in a waltz position, moaning that he has cramp in his wrist, so I think she’s going to have her work cut out.

Finally there is that Northern Irish Christine woman off Nationwide The One Show. She sounds like a total presenternator when she coos on about looking forward to going on a journey, but is more likeable when she’s being fitted for her costume and is all like “yikes, my dad is going to watch this and I’m practically naked!!” She is partnered with Matt.

I was trying to work out which pro from last series was dropped (two extra contestants but three new pros) and it turns out it’s Nicole. Even though I made fun of her a lot last time, I wonder what she did to deserve that?

Anyway, my appetite is well and truly whetted. Bring on next week!!