US Apprentice: Crimes of Fashion part 2

I have still been watching US Apprentice but haven’t written much lately as it got a bit dull for a while. I liked the parts when Poison Dwarf Stacey and Irritating Nerd Raj got fired though. Oh yes. I also enjoyed a recent episode in which the teams had to design a promotional catalogue for Levi’s Jeans. It had to demonstrate the brand’s core strengths (um, being overpriced and not fitting very well?) blah blah blah and show that Levis fit a wide range of body types (apart from mine).

Ivana was actually quite useful for once and came up with a nifty wheel design thing where you turn a dial to your body type and it tells you what style of jean to get. I love things like that which rotate and are gimmicky etc so that gets full marks from me. Evil blonde lawyerette Jen took credit for the idea, even though she didn’t actually understand it at first. Ivana accused Jen of casting a “fembot spell” on male team members and made a hilarious “my breasts are like guns” gesture. I am starting to dislike Jen. The team members decided to model the jeans themselves, which is quite vain really, but Ivana and Jen looked very pretty with their fancy make-up on and Kevin (the only remaining halfway decent looking bloke) took off his shirt a lot, so I’ll let them off.

Tall blonde Wes was the project manager for the other team and put blinking maniac Maria in charge of taking photographs and dealing with models etc. Maria went into a sort of Zoolander Fugue State and ran around screaming things to models like “Give me bitchy or give me death!” Comedy gold! There was a priceless interview clip of her saying “I’m not a control freak” and then blinking rapidly about fifteen times. She bossed everyone around, refused to let anyone help her, took ages on everything and basically messed things up on a mammoth scale while Wes sat around looking hapless. Of course they lost, mainly because Maria didn’t manage to take any decent butt shots in her photo session and so left them out completely. Apparently the butt shot is vital for jeans advertising but I prefer a good package shot myself.

In the board room Donald and his Trumpettes had a difficult time deciding who was the most useless out of Maria and Wes. Everyone slagged them off and Maria got so tight lipped that I thought her mouth was going to disappear completely. In the end Donald sacked both of them just like that. Oh my God! When you’re Donald Trump the rules of reality TV mean nothing to you! Nothing!!! Embarrassingly, Wes and Maria had to take the lift down to the lobby together and then share the taxicab of loserdom. I bet there was one hella frosty atmosphere in that cab.