TV of yesteryear

Does anyone remember “The Omega Factor”? This is a TV show I remember watching when I was a kid but which no-one else I know seems to have seen. It sounds like a belated sequel to the Krypton Factor but actually starred Louise Jameson (aka Leela from Dr Who or That Stripy Haired Bitch Rosa from Eastenders) and was a supernatural conspiracy drama that reminds me a lot of the X Files. Every week, Leela and some bloke would investigate weird psychic phenomena and be thwarted at every turn by a shadowy secret organisation called the Omega something or other. You could tell when people where in the Omega Organisation because they wore a huge bad taste 70s signet ring with the greek letter “omega” on it. Subtle. I think the Omega dudes were trying to recruit psychics to take over the world and would kill anyone who got in the way (except the protagonists of course). Spooky or what? Maybe they were trying to ride on the success of “Sapphire and Steel” but it only lasted one series as far as I know. Like the X Files, the show was spooky and atmospheric and like the X Files it made very little sense and they had no idea how to tie everything up when it finished. Unlike the X Files, Leela never had her ovaries stolen by aliens and then replaced so she could have a magic psychic baby or whatever. I never worked out what that was all about. I can’t remember any of the Omega Factor plots but it made quite a strong impression on me at the time.

No-one I have ever mentioned it to has ever remembers the programme, but of course there is stuff about it on teh interweb. It has even come out on DVD. Whilst googling, I discovered that it was transmitted in 1979 on the beeb, the main bloke was played by James Hazeldine (who???) and that his character had psychic powers. There are episode guides on the internet but they are pretty lame and just say things like "When and old friend dies, Tom discovers more than he bargained for." Jesus, that could be an episode of Emmerdale. They mention one about a telekinetic kid that I vaguely rememeber - he would bust shit up at school in a Carrie stylee and Tom and Leela tried to investigate but in the end the kid was driven away by a "social worker" who turned out to be wearing an Omega ring. Dun dun dunhhh!!! . It is weird that this show had such a hold on my junior self when I can remember next to nothing about it except that it was a bit rubbish.

MELROSE PLACE UPDATE
I haven’t been blogging much lately because there is nothing good on telly at the moment! Boo! I am still hooked on Melrose though and it has been all go since I started those character guides! Jo has had her baby stolen AGAIN – yes, that’s the second time in less than a month. Having your baby stolen once is unfortunate but twice makes it look like you are really thick, Jo! She did redeem herself in my eyes, however, by giving Dr Kimberly a good smack in the face. Jo tracked down the evil baby-napping grandparents with the help of Jake, who provided support and the use of his penis as required. In the end, the evil grandparents shot Jo with a rifle and it all ended up back in court. Jo decided to give the baby up for adoption, which is as good a way as any of the writers admitting that they have totally written themselves into a corner.

Pathetic drunk Alison went into rehab and met a hunky, mad eyed football star who turned out to be a sex addict. Oh, of course he did. Alison, being stupid and annoying, immediately started shagging him. It all ended in tears when Alison caught him in bed with some floozy the same day he proposed to her. I have no sympathy when it comes to Alison. She has now been promoted to President of D&D Advertising while brave Amanda is off work with her tragic cancer heartbreak and has hired Charlotte from Sex and the City as her assistant. Charlotte is a “special guest star” so I look forward to whatever crazy ass plots she is given. Billy gave Alison a special trapper keeper to congratulate her, but Alison didn’t care because whoever becomes head of D&D instantly turns into a heartless bitch.

Sydney and Jane had a quiet couple of weeks after the Creepy Australian shenanigans. Sydney recently rented out her spare room to porn star Traci Lords, whose line readings suggest that English is not her first language. Traci lured Sydney into joining a creepy sex cult in the middle of the desert and when Syd tried to escape they locked her in a box! In the end she was rescued by Jane and Jake. I think Jake shagged Jane too – basically any time he gives someone a lift he ends up sleeping with them.

Matt had to give Dr Kimberley a psychiatric evaluation and discovered she was crazy. Like, duh!! When he wouldn’t change the report, she had him beaten up by rent-a-homophobes and then snuck into his office and changed “Kimberley is mental” to “Kimberley is lovely!” The policeman who investigated the gay bashing turned out to be gay himself, but was also a creepy, suspect beating stalker with terrible hair. Will Matt ever be lucky in love?

Amanda’s creepy lurver Dr Peter became the owner of D&D Advertising and put her in charge for about two episodes. He hired a foxy “efficiency expert” to investigate the company but – gasp! It turns out they were in cahoots and shagging each other! Peter arranged for Amanda to take pills he had secretly laced with monkey crack so she would fail a drug test, he could sack her and then put Ms Efficiency Expert in charge instead. Amanda said she could prove that her fed her the crack so he injected her with, um something and planned to kill her on the operating table – or rather get Dr Michael to do it for him. Even Dr Michael wasn’t that evil though, so he had fisticuffs with Dr Peter and got him arrested. About a week later, Amanda discovered she has lymphoma - it's just one thing after another when you're a high powered business woman - and now Dr Michael is treating her. She is the healthiest looking cancer patient in the history of the world. De Michael says he has fallen in love with her and is plotting one of his madcap schemes behind Kimberley’s back. Yes Dr Michael, it really is a great idea to cheat on someone who has already run you over once.

24 Great 24 Moments

Sod Big Brother. 24 is The Best Show On TV. It's got everything you could want from an American action show: great characters, genuinely shocking plot twists, a jaw-droppingly laissez-faire attitude to who lives and who dies (compare that to something like Alias where only the bad guys get killed off and most of the annoying cast are still around), a surprisingly high level of criticism of Bush-era politics (you often find yourself siding with the terrorists' point-of-view), and more torture and violence per episode than you could find in an entire season of Schwarzengger movies. It's also brilliantly directed and incredibly suspenseful - I invariably find myself holding my breath for the last 15 minutes of every show. So if you haven't seen it, DO - season 1 is currently being repeated on BBC1 and season 4 finishes on Sunday with a double epsiode on Sky.

SPOILERS FOR ALL SEASONS FOLLOW

24 Great 24 Moments

1) Jack coming BACK FROM THE FREAKING DEAD in season 2. Death is for wimps.
2) Chloe turning Action Heroine in season 4. It's like she was born to shoot.
3) Kimmeh vs The Mountain Lion (season 2)
4) Michelle kicking ass in the infected hotel (season 3).
5) Tony unexpectedly showing up and rescuing Jack and Audrey in season 4.
6) Kimmeh changing into a skimpy top in front of the Environmentalist (season 2).
7) Jack killing his boss -Chapelle- because the bad guys told him to. (Living the American Dream). (Season 3).
8) Evil Marie shooting Reza (her fiancé) in season 2.
9) Jack torturing Audrey's husband, then letting him die after he'd saved Jack's life, then threatening to torture her brother just two hours later (season 4).
10) Jack cutting off a drug-dealer's head to prove his bad-ass credentials when going undercover. (Season 2)
11) Jack pulling the trigger on Chase to prove himself to the Salazars (and not apologising afterwards). (Season 3).
12) Jack avoiding a nuclear blast by hiding behind a rock (season 2).
13) Radioactive Mason going out like a man. (Season 2).
14) Kimmeh's season 2 boyfriend losing a leg.
15) Kimmeh's season 3 boyfriend losing an arm.
16) Kimmeh running across the road like a mentalist (season 2).
17) Alan Yorke / Sheri Palmer / Marie / Nina / etc turning out to be EVIL (all seasons).
18) Jack on smack. (Season 3).
19) The amazing number of 'comebacks' in season 4 (5 to date).
20) Mandy the Terrorista. Just generally.
21) Jack shouting "DAMMIT!" whenever something goes wrong.
22) Jack holding up a liquor store just to buy some time (season 4).
23) Anytime Jack says, "No! That's not the right play!"
24) Tony getting shot in the neck and then walking it off.

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BIG BROTHER: AN APOLOGY
I just wanted to apologise for the lack of BB-related blog entries. For my part it's because every single housemate is so brain-crunchingly, mind-numbingly, teeth-rattling-er-ly AWFUL, they render me completely speechless. Look, I even used italics there, and I never do that. That's how bad they are. Every night. Without fail. Once I get over my white-hot loathing of Craig, Vanessa, Maxie et al, I might find the words to express something resembling my feelings for these handmaidens of Beelzebub (and Derek).

Derek, Roberto and Sam are up for the vote, by the way.

ISLAND OF FAME HOs
The contestants may be awful, but BB is still too compelling to drag me away from C4. Though my Fame Ho-watching friends tell me that Manchild Paul got a blow job off Pneumatic Blonde that took precisely two minutes 48 seconds. Then last night he dumped her. Fran Cosgrave is making a play for Jayne Middlemiss (now, never in a million years would you have thought of that one. Bet the Atomic Kitten's got a face like a cat's arse every time she sees them canoodling). It's still well on between Abi Titmost and Lee Sharpe, but Calum Best has been sent packing. Manchild has decided that he has got feelings for Lady Thicko after all, and has dumped the Pneumatic Blonde in the place where they first consummated their passion. The toilet. Class, eh?