Monday, June 09, 2008

Guide to Apprentice finalists

Now that the only person who would even get an internship in my team has been FIRED(Lucinda, if you really need it spelled out for you), here's the TV Dinners guide to the runners-up

Well, he's 24 years of age, he's agile, and loves to sell. He also did modelling at university - whether he managed the dizzy heights of the Grattan catalogue, or just pouted moodily for a photography student, we will probably never know.

Has the most mobile lips in Christendom, and that's before he starts talking. Conversations with Alex are mostly concerned with whining about how crap everybody else is, plotting against Lucinda, telling tales on Lucinda in the board room, and mentioning that he's 24.

IF HE WINS: We'll know exactly why SirAlan backed the Emailer phone

Is she a Helen trying to be classy? We'll never know. After ten weeks of being Queen of the Backstabbing PassiveAggressive Bullying Beeeyotches, we learn that Helene had to leave school early because her parents were alcoholics. Even SirAlan went: "...your point is?" when he heard that one.

IF SHE WINS: Nahhh...that ain't going to happen

One week he's a giant labrador puppy who only wants to be loved by his team; the next he's a snarling rottweiler sales demon from Hades. Lied about his university career - and not even that well. I mean, if you're going to lie about going to university, at least make it a good one, Even the University of Greenwich would have been a better bet than Thames Valley College of More Education or whatever it's called.

IF HE WINS:Strong possiblity. Will join SirAlan's team of Alpha Males and probably end up interviewing little Apprenticelets in 10 years' time.

Badger 2.0. Ballsy, bright, common as common can be, and right up SirAlan's street.

IF SHE WINS:Will jack in the job after three months for the lucrative Executive Coaching circuit, like Badger and the blonde who won two years ago.

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